And something else as well. I realized that I no longer was thinking of Alex as a brother. It was like a switch had been thrown and now the circuits i... my mind had Husband instead of brother on them. He was my husband. He was a man whom I grew up with who had become the love of my life and my husband. It really wasn't i****t, not really because I didn't think of Alex that way anymore.The feeling in my breast no longer could be contained inside me. I had to let them out where Alex could have. We talked quite a lot about Andy (myself of course) and as I progressively had more to drink, I let it slip that Andy had a crush on her. Surprised Jane replied, ‘He does? I never knew. Of course I love him as a friend but I guess I never thought of him that way. I tend to go for men who are muscle bound hunks but they tend to be insensitive in my experience which is why I stick to women in my permanent relationships.’ Then she continued, ‘but Andy, well I have never thought of him that way, of. She was huge and playedhockey with the boys and was an equal for them. She went out with robwhich was one of his biggest mistakes. When the school year started, hemade a big play to get her to go out with him. That just got him laughedat, and pushed away. And it royally pissed off rob. That caused it, wellthat and his sister dressing him and letting her friends take pictures.Maybe that was what inspired Amy to rape him that night.He stopped by the mall and went in to the rest rooms. Pausing to. In my mind I was bidding goodbye to The Get Up Kids and Jets to Brazil. Then I thought about Ben with his adolescent antics and how amusing he was, but how he would probably always be that way with no direction in his life other than having fun. This led to my thought that just because I was going to grow up, it didn’t mean that I had to become some deep and serious person just yet. I could still listen to Dashboard Confessional (but not in large doses) and still be pissed off that the economy.
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